My Road to being an Ironman
In July of 2009, I wasn't a runner but I signed up for my first marathon and finished it! After that I completed a few more marathons and half marathons. In 2010, I decided to sign up for my first triathlon - even though I did not know how to swim or ride a bike or understand how hard it would be to learn. I was not a runner but was able to run a few marathons; I didn't know how to swim or bike but I was convinced I could do a triathlon.
My road to the IronTeam started several months before November 2011. I signed up with the TNT Tri Team. I have done a few marathons with TNT and was looking for other challenges. I said to myself, "what can be hard about learning to swim and bike?" But I discovered what is so hard about a Triathlon for me. For those who do not have a fear of breaking one's bones when falling off a bike or a fear of drowning each time one steps into a pool, a triathlon is just improving your distance in week. For me, however, I quickly learned I was going to have many challenges.
I decided to take swimming lessons from a professional instructor. A coach suggested I go to Julia at UCLA for lessons. I took the lessons with another TNT Marathon Alumni, Marvin, who was training for his first Ironman event. The lessons were held at the new and swanky UCLA Spiker Pool. Everything was state of the art, even the water looked so crystal clean. I met Julia for the first time and she showed me and Marvin where we were going to have the lesson - I looked and was so shocked to learn that I will be swimming in the part of the pool which is eight (8) feet deep. I quickly reminded Julia that I did not know how to swim - she handed us fins and said “you’ll be fine.” I put on the fins but was very apprehensive to get in the pool - again Julia reassured me that the fins will keep me afloat and that there is no chance that I will drown. So with a leap of faith, I jumped in, got my face wet and boy, was that scary! I hanged on to the wall for dear life and was really never able to relax. For my first lesson, I learned to blow bubbles and with the aid of a board, I went across the pool, once and then back - I was so exhausted - most likely because I was so nervous or because I am in such bad shape. I did some more blowing bubbles and going back and forth across the pool a few more times and then the hour was over. I was so relived the lesson was over and I could finally get out of the water.
Marvin and I took lessons with Julia for approximately three (3) months but I was force to quit to take care of minor medical issues. My first tri event was put on hold. I would go to the pool with my husband, David, on occasion but mostly kept out of the pool while I was going through my medical issues.
In June, I decided to train for another triathlon. I signed up for the Nation’s Triathlon, an olympic distance, as a TNT participant. Fundraising was not an issue since I have raised enough money when I signed up for the first tri event.
So back to training which means swim, bike and run. I already know I can complete a marathon, so I decided to concentrate on improving my swim and bike technique. At the end of the season, I knew I could swim approximately 1,650 yards and bike 25 miles on flat road. I was ready for Nation’s Triathlon. Unfortunately, due to some heavy rains, the swim portion of Nation’s Triathlon was cancelled. I was disappointed but sort of relived I did not have to swim in the Potomac River. We did our bike and run and I finished at a respectable time. I felt great - I felt I could do anything (forgetting that I did not actually get to do the swim portion of the event). Thus, I signed up with the IronTeam.
I was so excited to start my training with the IronTeam. Training started in November 2011. The first couple of months were not as intense and it did not feel as if it were any different than a triteam practice. I was still able to go to Disneyworld to participate in the Goofy Challenge (run 1/2 marathon followed by a full marathon the next day). But when I came back from Goofy challenge, BAM! - we had our timed bike ride and swim. I was not prepared for this - both on the swim and the bike!!! I was in deep trouble. I did both poorly and I was placed on the “DNF danger” - not a very good start. DNF means “Did not finish.”
The days and weeks turned into months and various things have affected my training, from family, work and injuries. Plus, I started questioning my own abilities - can I really do this? I have contemplated on quitting a few times but did not because I wanted to finish what I have started - quitting was not really an option.
When I first signed up with the IronTeam, I chose Ironman Canada as my race. I did start to train for this event. However, upon hearing that the bike course has a very aggressive route, and with the coaches telling me that it will be a challenge for me, I decided to change to the Vineman Full Triathlon, which was scheduled to be held a month earlier than IM Canada. There are several advantages to doing Vineman, it is local and the course is friendlier than IM Canada.
So, I trained with Vineman in mind. Work got in the way a few times, followed by some injuries and before I know it, I am not able to do Vineman either. The IronTeam coaches tried to salvage the season for me by recommending that I do Barb’s Race. It is held the same time as Vineman but it is half the distance and no cut offs.
Barb’s Race did not go as planned for me. I underestimated the anxiety and fear I would go through when doing open water swim, in the ocean or the river. I sort of knew the ending to this journey the day after I arrived in Sonoma County.
Our team met at the Russian River for a 30-minute swim to be followed by a 20-minute bike ride and 30-minute run. When I got to the river, I was so relived to see that it was calm - no waves and I said to myself, this swim will be a piece of cake. The river was wide but you could easily see the river’s edge. Easy? Wrong! I got in, swam a little bit and as soon as my feet were not able to touch the ground, I started to hyperventilate, which was really odd sine I always swim in the deep part of the pool. I tried to calm myself but it did not help much - I could not control my breathing. Coach Holly was trying her best to make me feel at ease, but it was no use. Swam a few more yards, got to the buoy and I decided that was it. I had to get out of the river.
I could not accept that I might not be able to complete my event because of my fear of the open water. I decided to come back in the afternoon to try it again. I did, and the afternoon swim was much better maybe due to the fact that there were people there just leisurely enjoying the afternoon. I swam in and out - swam to one, two, three buoys and back to shore, repeat. I felt better.
Friday morning, the day before the event, our Team went back to the river to do another brick practice. I ran for ten minutes prior to suiting up just to get warmed up. I swam a little, went back to shore, swam some more and back to shore. Confidence was not exactly oozing out of my pores at this time - self doubt was beginning to unfold. I completed the bike and run portion of our brick. After the workouts, we went to Windsor High School to pick up our race packet and attended the mandatory meeting. Since I was also entered for the Vineman Full, I picked-up the race packets for Vineman Full and Barb’s Race. Vineman’s technical t-shirt is the most expensive technical t-shirt I have ever paid for.
The day went by quickly, before you know it, it was time for TNT’s Inspiration Dinner. Before the dinner we dropped off our bikes to a truck which will take them to the start line in the morning. The dinner was much smaller than the last few TNT Inspiration Dinners I have attended. I had a special mention during the dinner because I was the second highest fundraiser for the TNT IronTeam. I was surprised, I never thought that the amount I raised was more than what most participants have raised.
Was I nervous this day? Hard to say. I must have been more concern about finishing the swim that I did not have time to think whether I would be able to finish the entire event.
Off to bed I went at approximately 8:30pm - It goes without saying, I (nor my teammates) was not really able to sleep. My alarm went off at 3:45 am, I mixed my sports drinks, ate my first breakfast and headed to the hotel lobby to wait for the shuttle bus. Some of my teammates were already waiting at the hotel lobby at 4:00 am. It was interesting to note that at this point, I felt totally at ease. There were no butterflies moving about my stomach, which was not a very good sign.
We got in the bus, sat and waited to be driven to the start line. The mood was a little bit on the somber side, might be due to the lack of sleep and that fact that we are all embarking on a very challenging task - yes we have trained for this day - yet there is apprehension in the air.
Our shuttle left the hotel around 5:00 am. We arrived at Russian River, got our bikes and set up our equipment for easy transition from swim to bike. This did not take long and I had some time to get marked and do a short warm up run before putting on my wetsuit. For the non-triathlete, a participant is marked with her/his age on the calf and his/her entry number on both arms for identification purposes.
Vineman/Barb’s Race/Aquabike all have a swim wave start. My wave start was at 8:30 am. A long time to wait since I arrived at the start area at 5:00 am. I did what I needed to do before my swim wave - ran for 10 minutes to warm up - chatted with some of my teammates, ate my second breakfast, went to the river and swam for a few minutes and waited till it was time to get in the river for my swim wave to start.
One of my teammates, Elsa, offered to swim beside me so I can feel comfortable during the swim itself. Another teammate, Bernie, said that she was going to swim right beside me. This did not make me any less nervous. The gun went off, I started swimming and after a few minutes found myself alone and far from everyone. I don’t exactly know what happened but I found myself gasping for air and was hyperventilating. One of the swim monitors on kayak asked if I was okay - my response was yes, even though I could not breathe. I swam some more but found myself to be continually gasping for air. I tried to relax, got on my back, stopped and tried swimming again. At this point, I was no longer worried whether I can finish the swim within the cut-off time - I was worried that I was going to drown because I could not clear my mind, could not relax, all I was doing was flapping my arms like broken wings - it was no use. When I was asked again how I was doing, I told the person that I could not breathe - he coached me a little bit to get my breathing to normal but it did not help. After a few more minutes, he asked me if I wanted to be taken to shore - I said no. Yes, I said no, I did not want to waste nine months of training this way. So, I acted brave and swam for a few seconds - but my heart felt like it was about to implode - and at that moment, I was faced with the daunting task to face defeat. I felt like a total failure. I got out of the river, with my head down, looking like the poster child of a loser!
With tears rolling down my still wet face, I took of my wetsuit, gathered my equipment and rolled my bike out of the transition area. At the top of the hill, Louis, a former TNT participant taking pictures that weekend, saw me and gave me a questioning look - my response was a big sob on his shoulders - and there I let out all the frustration and angst I was feeling. There were no words spoken, all you could hear was my uncontrollable sobbing.
There was nothing left to do - in a matter of a few minutes in the Russian River, my fear overcame my desire to complete the race - my day was done. . . .
I allowed myself to wallow on self pity that day.
I woke up the next day and proclaimed - it is a new day! The second leg of my Ironman training began that day!!! This time, I will persevere, I will conquer and I will become an Ironman!
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October 26, 2012
Three months after Vineman, I am feeling unmotivated, burned out and have no desire to put my mind and body through another season of rigorous training. I don’t want another failed attempt at this point. I will wait awhile and see how things go before I attempt another go at it.
That Ironman medal will just have to wait!
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September 2, 2013
It’s been more than a year after Vineman 2012 - I have been thinking about going back to the IronTeam for so long. I want to try again - and complete an Ironman event before I turn 60! The desire is back - I have to do this and finish what I started a couple of years ago.
I am looking forward to training again and hopefully discover more of myself in the process.
I am looking forward to training again and hopefully discover more of myself in the process.
